Tuesday, June 30, 2009

God Votes Republican

Government: "A Christian will know that more than likely they will vote republican because they conform as to the same ideals. Likewise a person from a minority group is more likely to vote democratic."

Sometimes I forget that Christians are the opposite of minorities. And that God is a registered Republican.

Things God Likes
- War
- Money
- George Bush
- Golf
- Other Stereotypically Republican Things

US History: "But probably the main difference between us and other countries is our patriotism. I know of no other country where people will do anything for their country. So while other people would try to hide and run away I believe that a lot of Americans would grab their flag and shotgun and run out of the house screaming "God Bless America.""

Personally, I would stop to grab my Budweiser. The flag is just going to get in the way.

Un Correct Apostrophe's an God

Bible: "God doesn’t like when were un honest to each other. Lying lead’s to confrontation an God want’s us to be friendly to one another. Lying can cause another to get angry and God doesn’t want us to be angry. You can keep from lying by reading the Bible."

Government: "Wow, that’s a no brainer question, if we didn’t have the constitution this country would be a total pot hole."

US History: (From America's Diary) "I kind of feel weird though. I am 200 years old, and I have to take orders from my husband? That is not how it is going down. I am a woman, not a pet. I do not wanted to be treated like a nanny or a housewife."

God-only-knows via a Chat: "Can I please talk to the art techer I need her to put art back so I can do my ten reternd I can't the art class because it is gone I need to do those ten reternds so I can get my grades up do you. Understand me canyou find her to make her put art class back I really need to do those ten retrans like I said before to get my grades up can you find her?"

Understand me? um, not really.

Government: "Were not the freest nation for whites only."

US History: "Before I start I would just like to say I chose topic 1 and wrote all of this out on a piece of paper while I was doing my research. As I was doing my research I was able to get all of my information from Google and only Google. I am only saying this before I start so that way I do not get points taken off for not writing my sources."

Wow, great bibliography! You're right - now you won't lose points!

US History: "I would love to make a thesis statement but I am having a difficult time coming up with one so I have those far descided to skip this step in the process of making a research paper. I also pray that you are kind an do not get enraged by this and you show compassion and give me a good grade even though I did a bad job."


Music Is Life

Some History Class That Isn't Mine: "Francis Ferdinand - Scottish band, named after relatively insignificant Archduke that was assassinated and served as a spark to the gasoline, that triggered WWI."

Oh, that insignficant Archduke of Australia...

English 3 (I think?): "The loin has attacked three people. We are rinsed from the dead."

Government: (this was the answer for a midterm) "come on public school dont even got this much work.."

Biology: "Like if there is some thing green and a bug is also greed. No insect or mammal can eat him because he is safe."

Yes... yes, i see what you mean.

Government: "Yes, Texas is the only state that can be its own nation."

Connecticut begs to differ.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Social Studies 5: "The stories were boring sometimes and I think that some of them came from Indian sources because there are a lot of misspelled words."

Wait - do you mean the Pilgrims?

I Have 1300 Assignments To Grade

American History: "Normally wore hand made woven clothes, the men slaves that worked in the fields would wear slacks and during the summer, no shirt. The chick slaves that work in the house would wear ragged dresses."

I <3 my slacks!

Ancient History: "Isis: Hey there is a flood happening right now should we help the people.
Seth: We should go help the people right now it is the right thing to do.
Isis: I will get as many people as I can you do the same try to get a lot of people.
Seth: I got as many as I can did you get as many as you can did you save ever thing.
Isis: Like what besides the people the animals and anything else that you can.
Seth: The people are safe now and some animals but not all of them.
Isis: You should go back for any others that were not got out of the flood in time.
Seth: Ok I will go get any others while you see if any one is hurt.
Isis: Everyone is alright and now all the people are safe from harm.
Seth: Now the water is going down and almost everything was saved and the animals all are here and are ok and the people to ok job well done."

Job well done indeed.

American History: "1. Name 2 tribes that lived in the West before the Europeans arrived? The pilgrims are one of the tribes. The native American was the second."

Ah, yes. I remember the Pilgrim tribe ... I think they were Mormons(you know, followers of Islam).

American Government: "I still think that we are the strongest country out there and always will be."

Yup, me too. Just like Rome.

American Government: "We are the ones that should be throwing these horrible people in jail."

Team America: World Police!

Social Studies 2: "I would like to help people and be rich."

Good plan, kid!

American History: "The counterculture of the 1960's was made up of mainly hippies. The lifestyles included drugs, music, and protesting the Vietnam war. The only counterculture today would be like the emo or goth kind of type but actually they have not so good of music as the hippies so I don’t know lol."

WHAT?! Do you mean to tell me Something Corporate does not have the lyrical genius of Bob Dylan? That Dashboard Confessional is less talented than Jimi Hendrix? Agree to disagree, my friend. Agree to disagree.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Marbles Is Coughing Sans Covering Mouth (this is for those who Know)

Government: "If somebody calls and says that they are going to bomb the whitehouse, that would be a legitimate threat. If somebody called and said they were going to push somebody into a lake, that would not be a legit threat."

ohhhh... i get it!

Government: "If the United States are at war, I think that we should know about it."

Secrets, secrets are no fun...

And now we're being sent home early because nothing here works! Yay!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Big Willy Style

Biology: "8. First the male attracts the female by his special abilities like bright colors or chirping. He might battle another male and if he comes out triumphant the female insect falls in love with him and they get jiggy with it."

Well, Ah dunno whut y'all Nawthuners say...

Culinary Arts: "Yes, I did have a little problem with the separating of the egg folk"

They are the ones with the shells on their heads. You will catch on.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

"Ma! The meatloaf!"

Culinary Arts: [the assignment is to write a 400 word diary response on the dinner that he/she cooked] "My Mom makes a great meat loaf with ketchup on top."

Wow, way to go Chaz Reinhold!

Friday, June 19, 2009

From Under My Hangover

Government: "They should never be disclosed to the public, because people need to be aware of everything thats going on and that could harm them."

i want to send a memo to my entire class telling them to look up the word disclose. also, commission. these are not big words. why. why!?


Government: "My reaction to a monument of the ten commandments being commissioned is uncalled for. Our God is the very being that made the earth, so why no follow is commandments and be proud of it?."

This day is stupid.

Government: "I think they should be disclosed to the public if it would cause more damage to know than not to know."


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Transformers From Heaven

Social Studies 5: "Steel is god for building bridges because it will make it strong."

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Wide Open Spaces

Government: "I do not live in a city, I live in a country."

Hey - I live in a city in a country. I mean, not all rectangles are squares.

Big Robot Brother

Government: "There will be only one type of authority called police, but they will be super machines that don't allow the breaking of law, or you are kicked off the moon and sent back to earth to die.

[...] II. Supermachine police. They have the power to apprehend and escort the prisoner to the pod that goes back to earth. They also have the power to kill.

[...] The rules are simple: Don't commit crimes that were considered crimes on earth, or the supermachines will find you.

[...]There won't be like a law that says you must not tamper with what you wear, or if you find a cool rock on the moon and can make it into a necklace then do it up."

Well gee, any necklace I want?? That's not a totally creepster government afterall!

Just remember guys -- "The supermachine police cannot be fooled."

Jesus Christ, Cultural Icon

US History: "The most popular culture in the 1920's was probably Christianity."

Yeah, probably.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Crocodile Dundee, Austrian Archduke

US History: "The two opposing military alliances were entente powers and central powers. Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Australia was assassinated which was one of the main causes."

That is correct. It was weird how everyone in Europe got all in a tizzy over it.

Social Studies 4: "Today America and England are best friends. It's kind of like when two wrestlers fight each other, after the fight they can still shake hands and be good friends."

Dear England, Sorry 'bout that time with the tea. Lovesies, America

Social Studies 4: "Camp meetings were like good old fashioned tent revivals. They were religious meetings and an important social gathering for people who didn't have a big social life."

True story. Only nerds went to camp meetings.

Spanish 2: "It was real cool to see a different country and how people lived in poverty."

Sounds sweet, bro!

Spanish 1: "1. Miami, Florida has clear water. This interests me because I love clear water."

I love clear glass unicorns.

World History: "Does anyone have any objections to the Mediterranean area and surrounding parts of Europe and Africa? I thought not."

Monday, June 15, 2009

Spiderman was from Hawaii

Social Studies 5: "In Hawaii you can have the privilege of having Coconuts grow in your backyard. "

But remember Friends, with great privilege comes great responsibility.

Government: "Well one of the big things that has impacted me from this course have been learning how to research better, I now know the basic jest of the constriction, and of course I think that learning about history will all ways come in handy."

Yes, history is handy in all ways, but particularly when choking others as a joke.

Government: "Alcohol is bad for your health as long as your behavior."

Alcohol is also bad for sentence creation.

Government: "I think that the public should only be told of threats to the U.S when we are defiantly sure that the treat is real."

I would never defy my love of treats.

Forensics: "If I was in the government I would do anything to catch a murderer so you could get him off the streets and I would go as far as to DNA test 200 different people if I had to.

Wow, 200 people!? You will stop at nothing!

Government: "5.) It is the right of every living person to be allowed to jump on a bed of any size. We are smarter then Monkey's, I do not think we will bump our heads"

Social Studies 4: "Children should play and make new friends. Or get married and have a child instead of being a child. There just like animals, they have to be free and wild. And speaking of animals they should have an animal but they can't have one when there a slave."

Government: [on removal of 10 commandments from the courthouse] "I admit that I am a very conservative and republic Christian. God is the very air that I breathe so I am prejudiced with my indignation."

Friday, June 12, 2009


Government: "Most people who are pro choice dont even think late term abortion should be legal. What it is, is that if a terminated baby comes out alive the nurse will rap it up in cloth and leave it in a supply closet untill it dies."

That's right. Dead babies, aisle 4.

You Heard It Here First

Sadly, I lost another whole word document of joy by not saving it and having my computer shut down... along with a bunch of other documents I needed for actual work... you'd think i'd learn, but i just dont.

anyway, today's winner!

World History: "9. What advice would you give to a student enrolled in this class for next year?
I don’t know?! To just do it, you don’t have to be smart."

You don't, indeed.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Diamond Fishing

Biology (maybe?): "When brain uploading is as regular as a tattoo we will be able to many other things, a whole world of adventure will open up to us. We can upload our brain into robots that are like the “terminator” and we would require little food and oxygen if any at all. These people will become known as “cyborgs” and will be able to live in space, live underwater, live high in the sky on anti gravity subdivisions, and maybe under the earth once we can devise a way to withstand extreme heats and swim in the earth’s mantle and go diamond fishing! "

Not Sure What Class: "One way you could develop good treatment of the body is to...........
practice good treatment of the body. Keep your self cleaned up all the time. You could start by getting up, fixing up your bed, getting some clothes on worthy of being looked at and next going down stairs and getting some good healthy breakfast down your throught before you get to your slave ridden lives."

Wow, try to tone down your optimism, kid.

Gifts of Government

Government: “The Government is evil. It is not helpful at all. Now that the new president is in everything is going to go hay wire. Yet most liberals want more and more government with more and more power. Government discloses nothing to the people except propaganda to expand their power and control over the people."

This is as opposed to the Bush administration, which thankfully did not use propaganda.

Government: "The government is just not cool at all.”

Yeah, man. I heard the government didn't even get asked to prom.

Government: “3.If you have a problem with the government you may take it up with the president and hand it to his secretary and she will be sure to give it to him.”

Government: “Amendment I: No person shall be allowed to go into anothers home without the owner or a permission slip.”

I would just like to hear a cop say, "Excuse me. May I see your permission slip?"

Thursday, June 4, 2009

This Is Why We Proofread

Social Studies 5: “From 1750-1850 the Hawaiian people spoke their own language and did not have their own alphabet. This is an example of how they talked to each other: Lah-oo-wee-leewee-lee-noo-koo-noo-koo-oh-ee-oh-ee.”

Forensics: (on the Shroud of Turin) “N one really knows if it is the same cloth that raped JESUS' body. “

Man, innocent until proven guilty.

Government: "The President hands selects them himself."

Just like Thing on the Addams Family.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Ginger Free Zone

Spanish 2: (bonus? this girl consistently turns in her responses in English)

1. My hair looks so stupid the weird looken haircut she need to cut it eave next time.
2. I need you to trim my hair?
3. I have curls I want them gone.
4. Im blonde don’t change my hair color!
5. Im not becoming a redhead!