Thursday, April 30, 2009

Thirsty Thursday

I need a drink.

Government: "In order to fulfill the cause of equality, there needs to be an ointment for the skin of the dreams of our forefathers so grossly afflicted by the warts of ignorance. That ointment is called education."

A coworker sent me this via intraoffice chat: "i am proofreading [student]'s essay. at the end; The end I would like to dearacite this to my teacher [my teacher name]." Sweet! a dearacitation!

Culinary Arts: " I think salad is such a good menu to take care of your health but if you are fat, you should not add too much meat and salad dressing."

Social Studies 3: "To not forgive Andrew Jackson for the things he may have done during his presidency would make Jesus' death in vain. "

Culinary Arts: "They all said that my dish was wonderful and they could not believe it was my cook."

But is it okay for fat people to cannibalize?

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Slow Day

Only two winners today:

Government: “Obeying and trusting God is where the strubble of self-governing became a problem God only have man one rule.”

Biology: "I only found one thing that contradicts our religious beliefs. The thing that contradicts our beliefs is that snakes ever have legs. The bible states that the serpent in the garden of Eden was cursed by God and would have to crawl on it’s belly for the rest of it’s days. This is the only thing that I could tell that was a contradiction to the Bible and our views of the world."

Greetings from Science!

Contributions from a fellow teacher -- her joy? Creation Science!

"did not make a green house because global warming is a load of bull $*!^ that some crackpot scientest's came up with to get money to do some "Reaserch" on how to prevent it, when all they are really doing is spending it for their own gain and plesure. The truth? In one week, a volcano spewing off volcanic ash, spews out the equivelent amount of Co2 in ONE WEEK, that all the cars and planes and powerplants ever made by humans have ever done in recorded history, and beyond. This subject irks me to the point of Genocide, because it is absolute BS in every sense of the term. i simply cannot understand why OTHERS dont understand that it is simply the earth heating and cooling itself. i will bet you 100 U.S. Dollars that in 50 years time when im 64 years old, that some crazy guy will be going around screaming about "Global Cooling" If someone does this, im going to take an aluminam baseball bat and smash their skulls in. people need to get a grip, get a job, and get a life."

"I believe there is a conflict between our religious teachings and what the scientists say. I believe this because in the bible it says that God created Adam then created all of the animals and let Adam name them. But the scientists base all of the study and research on information they have already collected in the past without taking what the bible says into account. In my opinion a scientist should do both of those things. Once he or she collects some new evidence they should check to see if there is some past evidence discussing what they found; they also should consult the bible to see what it has to say on the matter."

"Intelligent Design has so much more fact and proof as to why Darwinism or the Big Band Theory isn’t true. "

"Have you ever wondered why biology is so important to some people? Well for starters biology is a special part of some peoples life because some people are in jobs that have to deal with biology and science. "

"I think that genetic mutations are OK as long as they are for a good cause. For instance, what if someone's animal died and they were very attached to it and they wanted to have the genes that the animal had mutated? I think that would be a reasonable explanation for someone to be able to preform a genetic mutation. I also think that if a woman got pregnant and had the baby but then like three months after the baby was born it died because of sudden infant death syndrome also known as SIDS? I think that the woman should have a choice to decide whether or not she wanted to get some of the genetics that the baby had and give them to the embryos in the woman so that she will be able to have a child instead of trying and trying all over again. "

So, wow. Thanks for those, Ashley :)

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Archives

So, I became a teacher for an online homeschool about 2 weeks ago. I now teach social studies, which is particularly interesting because I have a degree in English.

Anyway, since I've started, I've been saving some of the more hilarious assignments I've gotten to share with my friends. The people have laughed, and they have spoken, and thus Have a Blessed Day! was born.

Things you should know to appreciate this blog:
1) Yes, several of our academies are religiously affiliated.
2) No, I'm not making this stuff up.


Culinary Arts (via email): "oh my goodness this bagel recipe is sooo hard!! it has taken me like 6 or 7 hours total! should it be this time consuming?"

Social Studies 3: "1. Because they need some place to sleep at night times, and they need to sleep on the soft leaves not on the cold ground. Nights are so dark and crippy."

Social Studies 4: "About 40% of the Earth's surface is covered by land. 71% of the Earth's surface is covered by water."

World History: Student submits blank assignment for final paper.
This comment is returned with notice of failing grade, "[Student name], Why wouldn't you try to complete this assignment? It has a very big effect on your grade. Blessings, [Teacher]"
Student response, "This was easier to grade."

Social Studies 2: "Jesus is the only hero there is. Here is my story. Jesus was born in Jerusalem. Jesus wasn't born in a house. He was born in a stable. When Jesus was grown up, he was healing people and doing geat things. When people were boing theaffering, a woman gave all the money she had, one penny. Jesus said she gave all that she had and God will bles her."

World History: "March 1890 Dear Diary, I knew this day would come. Today I was forced out of office by Wilhelm II. Although this is a sad day I feel that my time in office was well spent. My plan was perfectly executed and the German states were unified. I have helped Germany establish a good standing in the world. I do hope no one comes along and makes us look like totally Deutsch bags. (note from [student name]: I meant to say Deutsch)"


Social Studies 4: "I disagree with the total control the Puritans’ had over the community. Forcing everyone to worship the same way he or she did. Deciding they were the only ones allowed to vote. Expecting the community to abide by their laws even if they did not belong to the church or agree with them. My question is who died and made them “Jesus Christ.”"


Government: "I think that threats should only be disclosed to the public if it will harm us to know. "

US History: "America improved a lot by these events because now we can see others just as equal as we see ourselves. That that is actually God's main wish."

Social Studies 5: "I am sorry my first paragraph got turned in so many times there is something wrong with my laptop, I guess I should get it fixed. But let's get back to the Hawaiian Sea Turtle He deserve's some attention after all this report is about Him!!!!!!!! HA! I think that this turtle should have a longer time to live since He is endangered. You know it is report's like this that make say : No wonder our teacher get's smarter she has to read our report's."

Social Studies 3: "This is [Student Name]'s mom. I am upset about the weblink provided for [Lesson], Learn all about camels. It led her to an Arab dating link, but nothing about camels. I think the school should be more aware of dangers like this."

Government: "I was baptized around the age of 5 to 9 years of age. "