Big Brother Will Have You For Dinner!

English: 2. "Winston thinks the proles will never rebel. He thinks that because they will never become couscous. If they did become couscous they would rebel. He thinks they might became couscous and they would defeat big brother. If they defeat big brother the people will be free."

My recommendation? just make some rice instead.

To Be Taken With A Grain of Salt

Sciencey class: "8. What are the stages of the water cycle?

What the stages of the water cycle is, is various salts which include table sugar."

Man, this salt tastes really sugary! (500 shame points for misidentification)



Sciencey class: "2. Of the organisms you found, which ones might be called saprophytes?

Out of the organisms that I just talked about Saprophytes is mainly classified as 'Saprophytes'."

I think I get it.



Social Studies 6: "Barbarian- A person who doesn't like culture and a Roman Empire."

I hate a Roman Empire.

It's Been A (Long) While Because I Am Lazy

ok, it's been a long time. i'm lazy. there have been good ones you all have missed out on. sorry about that. but i will share these gems:

art & music 4 (as in, a 4th grader wrote this): (assignment was to write a ballad with a specific rhyme scheme)

"One day A

I was walkin' with my boyfriend B

and he said "hey A

you wanna go 'round the bend B

and go to the bar"



and I said A

"yeh i'd love to" B

so I got the thought of beer out of my head A

I talked with him and yes its true B



I had a small cup of beer that night A

and I can't explain what it tasted like B

cause to my delight A

it tasted somewhat like sprite B"


Some Science-y Class (and god, i hope it was human anatomy): "The special functions the stomach performs is storing food, breaking down food into a mixture called hymen, and emptying hymen into the small intestine."

Gives a whole new twist on eating pussy, doesn't it.

Sarah has One Aid

Some class: "There are countless ways one can lend aids to the poor and underprivileged of the country and the world."

I don't know about you, but my favorite way is intravenous drugs!

I Broke My Glasses While Brushing My Hair

Some class: "Porky is a pig. He lives on a farm. He loves to roll in the mud. Porky really likes to eat. One day porky heard the farmer was going to kill Porky and all the other pigs, so Porky decided it was time to go on a diet. No more junk food. Fresh fruits and green leafy vegetables were all he ate. By the end of the month Porky was the skinniest pig on the farm. All the other pigs thought that Porky was crazy. They all laughed. Porky said “You won’t be laughing when you get turned to bacon and ham”. The pigs got scared. They decided to go on a diet too. All the pigs got so skinny the farmer decided not to kill them. From now on, all the pigs on the farm ate a heathy diet and did yoga. The End"

So that's what Babe did wrong...

Some class: "3. An important gas that is released during photosynthesis is photosynthesis.

4. The Contrast between photosynthesis and respiration is photosynthesis."

When in doubt, photosynthesis.

Happy Monday, New Car Owner

World History: "Spartan: Spartan meant back then was basically strict discipline. Now today we know it as a group of great worriers."

Yes, really fantastic worrying going on here.



I had a lot of other funny ones that other people sent them... but i forgot to save them somewhere, so now they're gone.

Love Shack

Government: "Quartered- Penalty for high treason in Great Britain. When the colonists wouldn't let soldiers shack up in their homes."

Hot stuff baby this evenin'!

You Keep Saying That Word - I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

Government: "Quartered means to cut or divide into four equal or nearly equal parts. The soldiers during the American revolution were quartered into the home of the people."

This sounds a bit messy.

Tumble Once for Yes

Algebra: "1. If a person knows no Arabic words, is it possible for him to learn the meaning of an Arabic word from an Arabic dictionary?

1. No it is now because the dictionary only tells the person in acrobat language."



To My Fellow Colleges

Government: “Hello and goodmorning my fellow colleges I am here today to convince you all to […] I am not certified in this industry but i have gottin information from certified worker in this industry that The engineers recommended that the work begin there, because it was the largest and contributed the most water to the River.”

I'm not sure which of The engineers are his colleges, but my colleagues and I will laugh either way.

SS5: “The first lair of the the rain forest is the canopy.”

This is where Voldemort lay in wait for years.

Forensics: “The first place was Britian, it changed alot in the 20th century. The second place is England.”

Ah. I see now.

Teacher Appreciation

After receiving a poor grade on yesterday's berri-berri Economics response, one darling student sent this gem to a teacher:

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
..........................'...../
..........''............. _.·´
..........................(
..............................


Excellent use of time, I'd say.

Crop Tales

Economics: (research project essay) "my great grand father lived through the great depression he didnt die im still alive, hes still alive because he has a brain. the end"

If only I too had a brain.

Economics: (student response to a question about supply and demand in a farming country where crops have been destroyed by a hurricane): "fruit prices rise, people lack vitamins, get berri berri and die no one cares."

Please. Take your bleeding heart elsewhere.

Motivational Speaking

Forensics: "At first, I decided that the video was too boring, and I think I did not pay very good attention for that reason. Of course, then when I had to answer the questions, I wished I had observed more about the situation. I got very few details correct."

A+ for ... honesty?

No, It's Not About FarmVille

Some class: "More major seeds were planted in me that summer."

I'm just going to go ahead and leave that one out of context.

"No man, Alaska's Not a State"

Government: "The Ordinance made the United States stronger because it branches out to others territories which gave them power to become states and now we have the 51 states."

This one is particularly hurtful because I've heard so many students make it...

Government: "If u wannabe be 100% honesty did God really have anything to do with country making states?"

Aside from being wildly grammatically incorrect, this has 100% honesty nothing to do with the question.

Use A Dictionary

Government: "10. Suspended - A Cryogenic Nightmare is an interactive fiction computer game written by Michael Berlyn and published by Infocom in 1983."

Yup, that's the correct definition. How did you know that's what I wanted?

Thursday. In the Same Clothes as Wednesday.

Math: "I was $2.00' s negative at the store a few days ago. It was not fun. I had to go all of the way to the car to was get 2 measly little dollars. This morning my mom was puling her hair up,and found out that her hair - tie was way to negative. I laughed because it was to tight, and it made her face look funny. My dad was putting on some pants. At first it worked out fine, but then a button popped ... and another... and another. Thats when we found out that they were to negative... obviously they accidently made there way to the dryer. In the ending I ended - up paying the clerk the total amount, my mom got a hair - band that fit, and, well my dad went to work with unbuttoned pants."

Did he at least safety pin them?

World History: "The Egyptians were not very dumb people."

Just kinda dumb. I mean they wrote in pictures.

Government: "They had struggled so long to keep a well maintained self government, until their Satin got the best of them. When Satin brings himself upon your life everything goes haywire."

F-in' Satin. Always making my S go haywire.

Social Studies 2: "My second rule is No dogs allowed. I picked this rule because I don't want them pooping on my playground."

Amen, sister.

Wednesday Why Are You Not Thursday

I've forgotten to post a bunch of winners and that's too bad. you should all be sad, but you're a little smarter for not having read them.

Here's a good one:

Some Class: "Q: If you do not know Arabic, is it possible to learn Arabic from an Arabic dictionary?
1. No. You would need a definition in another language, or a picture, to understand the meaning of a word. Otherwise it is like trying to describe color to a blind man, or fashion to Donald Trump."

OOOOH! Got 'im!

Some Other Class: "a) A prime number is a number that cannot be made by being multiplied by a number other than 1 and itself.

b) A prime person would be Michael Jackson i would say."

Oh. me too.

Government: "If he takes to himself another woman, he may not reduce her food, her clothing, or her conjugal rights. It seems pretty self-explanitory to me. If you are a gent and you find yourself a nice little lass, do not treat her as a lesser."

This guy is like my dream man. I love how he somehow makes treating his little lass equally still sound derogatory.

SS 2: "I LIKE MACARONI AND CHEESE BECAUSE IT TASTE GOOD AND SOMETHING
I CAN EAT REALLY FAST."

Luckily for him, we only grade 2nd grade on completion....

SS 3: "When I went to NorthCarolina I went to the fun farm. "

... fun(ny) farm?

Rain, Rain

Public Speaking: "Directions on how to make speeches of debate: You need for your audience to be in a good mood, and all about your speech, you do not want to offend anyone so do not speak your opinion if someone is going to be mad."

Public Speaking: "1. Accountants

What's the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. "

Fact.

Good Ole Southern Hot Sauce

Government: "I think displaying the Ten Commandments in a community with a large Christian percentage will affect the community positively. Down south they use a lot more hot sauce then we do up north, all that's happening is the government attending to the community’s needs and wants."

God + Hot Sauce = Monument

Government: "I don't think we have any right to the moon. I think the articles are pointless when it comes to the moon because it's not on American soil. It's above it, way, way above it. We have no more right to it then other nations, and on top of that, what's the point? It can't benefit us in anyway, we can't move there or crow crops, are make money to help are sinking economy. So why toil with it?



But for the sake of this assignment.



The princess will rule the moon. She'll be elected by the people, from a group of other like minded princess's. The laws will be enforced by the Princess's army. Crime will be determined by a jury of the princess's court. We won't officially make rules for crime until such crimes occurs."

Luckily we have so many like minded princesses who don't want to make any laws until after people break laws that didn't exist in the first place. Now that's justice.

Anatomy: "Abstinence is the best birth control because it's like being absent from having sex."

Yeah, well, you better bring a note from home or you're getting a detention.